


Forever and Never

by SteamChesh



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Pining, Regret, tragic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-01-28 01:39:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12595180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteamChesh/pseuds/SteamChesh
Summary: Just a drabble that vomited out of my hands. I may or may not continue this, but do let me know if you like it!Also; SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T READ BOOK VII





	1. Chapter 1

Even now he regretted it. Leaving with that kind of bittersweet ending- knowing it had to be this way. The taste of the tea on her cheek when they parted lingered on his lips. They tingled at the thought of her lips against his. Those deep purple hues looking up at him with a kindness he knew he didn't deserve... And yet...

Nobody had ever made his soul ache like she did. Even the countless nights and the nightmares... Those were a pleasure than dealing with seconds without her.

_Diana._

Julian thought of the way her skin glowed under the light of the moon- or the way her smile brightened at the sight of the flower, the blue light not even able to complete with the light of her smile.

His mind constantly battled as he walked away. The doctor had convinced himself that without resolving this... Lucio mess, there would be not happy ending. He wouldn't get the girl and ride off into the sunset; he wouldn't get the mornings where he'd wake up beside her and watch her sleep; the gentle rise and fall of her chest until the temptation became too much to kiss a shoulder and slowly go up her form until she awoke with the sleepiest of smiles...

But he wouldn't get that. No. Julian Devorak wasn't worthy of a happy ending. The murderer's mark on his hand certainly saw to that. But Diana had made him want it. With her. Julian had the audacity to believe that maybe if she could smile just a moment more, then his problems might be charmed away. But they haunted him. Haunted him like his shadow, nearly plaguing his every waking thought, now replaced by the way she laughed; a sweet sound that rang through the air, or the way she smelled; always sweet, like candied flowers (some sort of floral blossom, no doubt) except after their trip to the docks.

But the two biggest things that would be worse than nightmares were her deep amethyst hues filled with heartbreak, or the way she whispered his name on his skin when they kissed. She had made his damned soul happy and he was walking away from it, having to close his eyes so tightly in hopes that tears would not cascade down his face. There was no worse victim than her.

Julian had hopes that somehow, she would move on and be happy without danger lingering over her gorgeous head. But he couldn't quite shake off this feeling of absolute dread.

His feet managed to carry him back to Mazelinka's house, at her front door this time instead of ruining the poor dragon's breath if he went through the window, again. He paced outside already wondering what Diana was doing. Julian desperately wanted to be the man she deserved, but knew that he couldn't. If he just knew then maybe, maybe Diana might forgive the pain that he had already put her. Gently cradle her face in his hands and place butterfly kisses everywhere he could reach, begging for her sweet forgiveness between each one.

But even now his wretched mind tried to betray him, twisting scenarios that tried to make his heart and soul sink into the bottom of his stomach. His mind so fouled by deeds trying to convince him that Diana would never in this life, or any other after (if you believed in that type of thing) forgive him.

But his heart could not be deceived. His eyes and ears remembered her words, her facial expression when Julian had asked a fatal question.

"Do you believe in forgiveness?"

She had pondered for a moment, long enough to make him start to regret asking the question, but Diana had cradled one side of his face, looked in his eye and said three words that pierced his heart once more;

"I'll forgive you."

The woman wasn't deterred even when he tried to explain that she didn't know what he did, even going to beg the question if he had hurt her, or people she cared about. Perhaps he was trying to pad the fall, gear her up for the morning when he would be gone without a word. Maybe he was trying to guide her gaze towards Nadia's own vilification of him so it would seem easier on a broken heart.

But she did not deter from the path that she had set herself on... And he would never say aloud how beautiful she truly was. Not until the docks when he had stolen several desperate kisses from her sweet lips. It had been one after the other, softly pleading for just _one more,_ even after the last. Her own grip white knuckled against his jacket as she gave and gave and continued to give.

"Ilya? What are you doing, get in here!"

How long had he been outside? It didn't matter, he was being ushered in and even though he knew he didn't fit in the door (properly) he kept his head as low as he could and entered the humble home. His gaze dropping everywhere.

She wasn't in his life, and then she was everywhere. At the counter, near the window, near the curtain... In the bed.

He was being ushered by the small woman to sit at the table, where Mazelinka covered both the top and bottom of his hands with her own.

"I've never seen you look so lost..." Another woman whose gaze he cannot escape, but he can't look her in the eye instead falling to the table, realizing now that as much as he can't escape it a tear began to fall from his eye, and then another, and another.

Mazelinka, the sweet old woman, stood up to hug him and hold him, as she might do to her children- if she had any. She petted his hair until he managed to finally get ahold of himself, which didn't take too long, once his mind caught up with his surroundings.

She doesn't ask him why Diana isn't with him, and he isn't sure he'd be able to hear her sweet name again without collapsing into sobs- a spectacle he knows Mazelinka doesn't need in her life.

When he does calm down, she takes her seat back next to him, and once again just continues to hold his hand. If this were any normal night, she'd begin making the soup that puts him to sleep almost instantly, but tonight, Mazelinka doesn't move. She doesn't bustle around busying herself with the minor clean up of her cozy home. Instead she stares at him, and he can only look in shame at the woodgrain on the table.

"It was love, you silly boy."

Words jolt him, her tone of voice soft, but the words feel so loud in the silence of her home, his eyebrows go up until he words process and he looks back down again.

"It... Was, yes. A shooting star now. She deserves far better than I can give her, far... _Far_ better."

"Love is a driving force, Ilya... And you will learn this lesson the hard way."

It's now that she gets up, with a gentle pat of his hand and begin making the delicious soup that might bring him to sleep. But what would sleep bring him? He hoped that maybe one day, this would all get sorted out...

But nothing has ever worked for Julian, why should it start now?


	2. Chapter 2

She couldn’t help but watch him leave. Feet frozen in place, heart ceasing to beat. Words wanting to spew out, but tongue unmoving. She had felt for him, never wanted him to leave, even argued with him. But he had done so anyways. Julian always said it would be he who would hurt her the most- and he wanted to avoid that. But he had been right, it had been his own doing and there was a constant bleeding in her heart that even his curse couldn’t cure.   
  
When his tall figure turned the corner, breath and emotions returned all at once. But even still, Diana had to keep a face until she knew she was truly alone. Not that it would matter after she stepped into the shop.   
  
It was an inoppurtune time for Asra to suddenly be back without a word. Of course he had heard because Faust had told him. Diana wasn’t thrilled, of course. Especially the range of emotion that went on his face when talking about Julian.   
  
The Magician had been cryptic about his previous relationship with Julian. ‘He was a friend, then something more, then something else… Something I had to get away from.’   
  
But if she were to ask, it was doubtful she’d get any sort of real responses from her Master. It… Was infuriating.   
  
“The only thing he loves more than drama is his own suffering.” Diana’s purple orbs go from the amber tea in her cup to the dark look on Asra’s face, “And he’s determined to chase both.”   
  
'I did something unforgiveable. I must have. Where else does this pit in my stomach come from?’   
  
'When I came to Vesuvia, I was seeking answers. Finding you… That was a rare treat.’ 

  
Before she knew it, anger bubbled in her chest and she grit her teeth and a growl came from between her lips, “That’s not true.”   
  
Diana wasn’t sure who was more surprised at this sudden anger; Asra, Faust or herself. It was… Very unlike her to get angry. So where did this come from? Was it because she was still so raw from the day? Being wanted like that… And then being pushed away. It left her confused and hurt.   
  
“Isn’t it?” A questioning look in her direction. He had meant it as a question to help her self-reflect. To observe everything with a clear mind and a third person prespective. But today, of all days, was not a day for one of his lessons.   
  
“It’s easy to forget when you’re around him. He fills the room with excitement. Makes you feel special.”   
  
Diana’s fingers tightened on the delicate porcelain cup as the anger bubbled in her chest again. She had felt special. There was so much excitement with Julian. People laughed, people liked him, kept him hidden for this long… The way Asra was painting out Julian to be… Was more of a manipulator.   
  
She couldn’t believe that. Not when she saw the torment in his eyes when he admitted he didn’t remember if he killed Count Lucio. There had to be something else.   
  
Diana was sure that there was something else at the palace waiting to be discovered.   
  
“I’ve never met someone so dedicated to their own unhappiness as Ilya.”   
  
The dark expression crossed Asra’s face again. Something he wasn’t telling- nor something he was going to tell her. What part did he have to play in all of this? What was his piece to this puzzle?   
  
What was so damning that he had to hide it from her? They shared everything together; a bed, when he was around, meals, lessons… But yet he was always hiding something.   
  
“Don’t you think he deserves to be happy?”   
  
The question caught the magician offguard, if only for a second. It was an emotion that looked like anger in his eyes, but different- and only for an instant before a sad feature took its place.   
  
“Don’t you?”   
  
Asra’s amethyst orbs held Diana’s own for a moment while she let silence build uncomfortably between them. Until finally, Asra was the one who looked away, and Diana looked back into her tea. Not really hearing whatelse Asra had to say. Diana was forming a plan, and to do this; she would need Asra’s deck and that Palace room. Something was hidden, something that could help.   
  
She only needed to find it. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sleep was nonexistent for the apprentice, shifting back and forth between nightmares and colliding thoughts. Visions of a pale figure with red eyes, hazy images of the foreboding island where they sent the infected, and dangling legs from the hangman's noose.    
  
Diana woke up with a start, more exhausted now than she had went to sleep.    
  
She put a palm on her forehead trying to will all of these thoughts away. None of them would leave her and it left her with a feeling of dread. Would she even save him? Could she save him? What about his memory? Could she help him with that at the very least? Or would both of their memories be forever hidden?    
  
Diana saw that it was still early, even still so close to nighttime and Asra was still sleeping. It was the sleeping powder that she had put in his drink. A cruel move on her part, an uncharacteristic move, even. But one she felt was necessary.    
  
She grabbed her cloak, and her bag, nabbing Asra's deck with a swipe. She only hoped that the cards would help her when she had taken them in the manner she did. But this was for the greater good. She was sure of it.    
  
With quick footsteps, she made her way back through the city, being careful to avoid the main market street and the dark back alleys. Julian's sad eyes were burned in her mind; no. He hadn't killed Lucio. If he was a killer at heart, then he wouldn't have such a mournful look...    
  
Then what had he done?    
  
Once Diana reached the gate, the guards opened them, this time without hassle and Diana was grateful for the lack of chit- chat. She had business in the library and with Nadia.    
  
There were still pieces of the puzzle she was missing and she would find them and unravel this mystery, ending the manhunt. Catching the proper criminal.    
  
"Oh there you are! Mi'lady was looking for you..." Portia's eyes lit up, and Diana suddenly couldn't look in Portia's eyes; knowing about the redhead’s relationship with Julian made it that much harder.   
  
If Diana failed Julian by not proving him innocent... Then she would fail Portia as well. Portia, as it stood, was the only friend Diana had in the castle. She needed to have Portia on her side.    
  
"I was trying to follow a lead." Diana managed to look in Portia's eyes, "I thought I had found something...But it slipped away from me." The dark haired apprentice looked at her hands and tears began to well up in her violet eyes.    
  
"Oh, Diana...." Portia cooed, going to Diana's back and rubbing it gently, "Mi'lady will understand... She knows you work tirelessly to find the man who killed Count Lucio."    
  
Diana already notes that Portia doesn't say Dr. Devorak, or Julian Devorak... Instead saying 'the man'. Diana and Portia both knew Julian didn't do it. So who did?    
  
"Maybe I... Maybe I missed something in the library." The apprentice murmured, taking in a slight sniffle before she straightened herself up, "Please. Take me to it."    
  
"Absolutely." Portia beamed, grateful that Diana wanted to get to the bottom of this things as badly as she did, but when the redheaded woman opened the door with the keys, she held the door open for a moment, looking down at the ground before back up to Diana, "Just remember to not work yourself to the bone."    
  
"I will do my best." Diana half-heartedly murmured, picking out Asra's deck from her pack, just as the door shut, leaving Diana in total silence.    
  
Diana began laying the cards on the ground, every single card until she could stand in the middle of the star.    
  
"Reveal yourselves to me." She spoke clearly, closing her eyes and opened her palms to each of her sides. Each of the cards had a face, a personality they inhabited. Diana just wanted to know who she was dealing with- and hopefully it would prepare her for the future.    
  
Her necklace began to glow, and the apprentice began to dwell on the readings she had done in the past few weeks. Asra, before he left, drew the High Priestess... Nadia then came to her door, drawing The Magician...   
  
Then Julian drawing Death.    
  
It gave her such an uneasy feeling when she drew the card. His bitter bark of a laugh before practically growling that Death had looked upon him and refused him. 

No. That wasn’t right. What were his words? 

_ “You’ve got to be joking.” Slam of his gloved hands on the table, “Death cast her gaze upon this wretch and turned away.” A cold sneer, “She has no interest in an abomination like me.”  _

She remembers the deep heartbeat of her chest and blood pumping in her ears… No words coming from the card, so different like the others… 

Diana felt something in her hands and when she opened them, the cards had been stacked in front of her with five just above the deck, three horizontally and one above the middle and one below it. 

Diana’s shaky hand reached for the middle card, but before she could turn it over, the library door opened, the Countess emerging with Portia. 

“Doing more magic, Ms. Diana?” Nadia chuckled, her maroon gaze digging into Diana’s purple hues. 

“I was hoping that the cards might… Point me in the right direction.” Diana murmurs, her hand still upon the middle card. 

“Well don’t keep us in suspense.” The countess commented, a dark eyebrow raised, her crimson gaze on Diana’s hand. 

And so Diana’s hand revealed the first fated card, turning it over with a shaking hand. 

“The Hanged Man.” Diana’s voice whispered softly, “This man was used as a scapegoat.” She continued tapping the card, her amethyst gaze, “Framed for something he didn’t do.” 

Nadia’s garnet gaze seemed intrigued, Diana seemed to have an idea of who this individual was, but the countess wanted to see the end of the apprentice’s reading. Surely she would have questions, after all, Nadia had come in to say that the ambassadors wanted to see and talk to Diana on a more personal level. 

Diana revealed the card to the left of The Hanged Man, and her eyes made out the horns of a goat, and her stomach dropped, words unable to form on her tongue, lips tightly pressed together. 

“And who is this?” Portia asked curiously, almost cringing at the sight. 

“The Devil.” 

Nadia sneered, “Lucio?” The contempt that dripped off her voice was so thick Diana could nearly touch it with her pale hand. 

It was hard to refute the claim. The Devil gave Diana a feeling of bondage. Being trapped and unable to breathe comfortably, a looming presence over her shoulder… The very same presence she felt when she looked down the abandoned wing where Lucio was burned. But when the apprentice glanced around, there was nothing.

With a slight intake of breath, Diana reached for the card on the far right, overturning it and finding a much more soothing image, a dove in the middle of the moon. The card gave a sense of ease, helping to soothe Diana’s slightly frayed nerves. It told her that all would be well in the end. 

“The Moon.” She breathes softly, “It says that our framed man,” The apprentice points to the Hanged Man card in the middle, being vague, but looking Portia in the eyes, so that way there was no misunderstanding, “Will have everything come to light and be redeemed of the weight he carries.” 

And though Portia slightly relaxed her shoulders, she couldn’t portray her full relief. Not with Nadia being so close. But this was a good sign, ultimately and it gave Diana relief as well, though she could be far more open about it because the Countess didn’t know about her time with Julian.

And by the end if this ‘case’ it wouldn’t matter. Maybe Julian could walk the streets without the fear of being hunted. Maybe he could be a truly free man. 

“What about the other two?” The maroon gaze flitted from the cards to Diana’s violent hues, “What do they hold in store for us?” 

“Well…” The apprentice began, “This card,” Her dainty hands touch the card beneath the Hanged Man, “Represent the core of the issue, while this one,” Her hand moved to the other still mysterious card, “Might represent the problem solver, or some enlightenment.” 

“And which of the two do you flip next?” Nadia asked, clearly amused by the apprentice. 

“We flip the core.” Diana responded, hand going back below the Hanged man and revealing a familiarly eerie card. Blood pumping through her ears, dread gripping her stomach. 

The smiling skull gazed back at her and she took this moment to listen. It was rare that this card ever spoke, sometimes it wasn’t ominous: revealing the closure of a chapter. But if the issue of ‘Death’ is at the core of Julian’s problems… 

“Does this represent the Red Plague? When this all started?” 

Nadia’s voice barely reached Diana’s ears and the woman had to look up to the Countess and shook her head, “No. I think it might be something else entirely…” But didn’t explain as she reached for the top card once again, and flipping it. 

“Temperance.” A bright winged animal holding two chalices as it poured water from one into the other, “‘Be patient and things will be more than favorable. Weigh your decisions with purpose and you will find the answers.’” 

Diana was silent for a long moment, picking up the Temperance card and looking at it individually. This represented her. Temperance was the ruling card for the Sagittarius, Diana’s eyes flitted to the other cards on the ground, putting these things in another perspective now. 

Death was the card for Scorpios. 

“This represents  _ someone _ .” Diana voiced her thoughts, a hand going back over to Death and picking up the card, “Not something.” 

“But who?” Portia asked with a voice so small it seemed to barely come from her at all. 

“I don’t know.” The dark haired woman sighed, “But I can’t work with half the pieces…” 

This gave the Countess the opportunity to speak, “I will tell you more tomorrow. But for now I came to tell you that we’ll be meeting with the other consulates… Valerius is the first. I thought you might want to speak with him first…” 

Diana looked into the maroon gaze of the Countess before she left the library, and understood that even on Nadia’s level somethings were not as they appeared. It would be… Interesting to gain more insight on the situation. 


End file.
